Phineas
Intro Dink Winkerson: Good evening, I'm Dink Winkerson with Channel 6 news from Danville. Tom Tucker: And I'm Tom Tucker with Channel 5 news from Quahog. Dink Winkerson: We now go live to Ollie Williams recapping the events of the last episode of The New Adventures of Phineas & Ferb. What happened last time, Ollie? Ollie Williams: BRENDAN KILLED PHINEAS & ISABELLA! Dink Winkerson: Then what? Ollie Williams: CANDACE GOT BLAMED! Tom Tucker: Then what? Ollie Williams: CANDACE WENT TO COURT! Dink Winkerson: Then what? Ollie Williams: PHINEAS & ISABELLA CAME BACK! Tom Tucker: How? Ollie Williams: WEREN'T REALLY DEAD! Dink Winkerson: Thanks, Ollie. And now Part two! Act I Act II Cameron: Boy, I do hope they find him. Otherwise we're gonna be- (a gun cocks, camera cuts to Brendan) Brendan: So, it's all out in the open now, isn't it? Act III Act IV Act V Act VI Act VII Act VIII Act IX Brendan: (To Stan Smith) I'd drop the gun if I were you, Joe. Stan: What? It's Stan. Brendan: Wait a minute, you're Stan? Stan: Yes. Brendan: You're the one from American Dad!? Act X Brendan: Anyway, you might all remember that there's going to be some new rules. As president, I hereby declare that all grown ups will not go to work again! (The children cheers.) I also got more rules, but that could take a long time. Now, before I conclude my speech, there is 1 thing I like to say. I will not let my enemies defeat me, that includes you, Phineas Flynn! I'm not gonna let you & your girfriend Angelica defeat me! Minion #1: It's Isabella, you wanker! Brendan: Be quiet, you *****! Alright. Where was I? Oh yeah! Listen up, Phineas & Angelica- Minion #1: Isabella! Brendan: If you 2 think about going to the White House, I'm gonna snap your- (The scene changes to a "no signal" screen with Phineas on it) Brendan: Oh, haha, very funny! Everyone's a comedian. Brendan: I've got a song for everyone from around the world! (Song: '''I've Got a Little List)' '''Brendan:' As someday it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list, I've got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground And who never would be missed, who never would be missed. There's the white kid with the baggy clothes who's talking like he's black, The girl you date who doesn't get the jokes in Caddyshack, The Asian guy who cuts in front of every single line, And Britney Spears for accidentally showing her vagine, And Bill O'Reilly's ineffective dermatologist. They'd none of them be missed, they'd none of them be missed. Secret Service Men: He's got them on the list, He's got them on the list, And they'd none of them be missed, They'd none of them be missed. Brendan: There's the guy behind the news reporter waving like a fool, And Senator Bill Frist, I've got him on the list. And the fat kid smiling warmly while he's peeing in the pool. He never would be missed, he never would be missed! There's the foul-smelling boy who comes to school in camouflage, And every bleeding member of the cast of Entourage, And while we're on the subject, Disney's full of shame, For ending The Great Indoors with a f*cking cut to Spanish football game! And guys who when you shake their hand just bump you with their fist. I don't think they'd be missed. I'm sure they'd not be missed. Secret Service Men: He's got them on the list, He's got them on the list, And they'd none of them be missed, They'd none of them be missed. Brendan: There's the guy who sits beside you and keeps farting on the plane And Shakira's lyricist, I've got him on the list. And the smarty on Thanksgiving who says, "It's the trip-toe-fane!" (tryptophan) He never would be missed, he never would be missed. There's the blonde who tells you loudly with a voice just like a knife, (falsetto) "You know, someone should do a sitcom based around my life!" (normal voice) The guy who watched The Simpsons back in 1994 And won't admit the damn thing isn't funny anymore. Brendan: and Secret Service Men: And anyone And every''one... Who's ever... Made me pissed! '''Secret Service Men': Made me pissed! Made me really really pissed! Brendan: I've got them on the list. They'd none of them be missed Secret Service Men: They'd be none, they'd be... They'd be none, they'd be none of them be missed. Secret Service Men: He's got them on the list, He's got them on the list, And they'd none of them be missed... Brendan: They'd none Secret Service Men: None of them... Of... None of them... Them... None of them Brendan & Secret Service Men: Be... Missed! Basso Profundo Secret Service Man: None of them be missed! Act XI (Scene cuts to the White House, where Brendan's butler has just finished painting something.) Brendan's Butler: All right, sir. Your presidential portrait is finished. Brendan: Let me see. (His butler shows the presidential portrait of Brendan.) Ah! Excellent. Much better than the one Gary Larson did. (Shows Gary Larson's painting.) Why would I even be talking to a chicken? (Phineas & Isabella swings on the vine and breaks the window. Brendan looks in horror when he sees Phineas & Isabella.) Stewie: What the hell!? Brian: Phineas & Isabella! Phineas: Brendan, your reign of terror has come to the end. Isabella: We will not stand by while you make innocent people suffer! Brendan: Bring it on, bitches! Time for me to finish what I started anyway. (Phineas & Isabella takes out their minigun and shoots at Brendan, but he narrowly avoids the shots and hides behind the chair. Then, Brendan jumps out and dodges the shots which shoots the presidental paintings. Phineas & Isabella runs out of ammo. Brendan shoots with 2 Tec-9s while Phineas & Isabella shoots back with 2 Uzis. Phineas & Isabella hide behind the chair while Brendan hides behind the table. Phineas & Isabella reloads. Then they & Brendan prepare to jump. They jump in slow motion while firing at each other. All bullets fired fall to the ground. Phineas & Isabella and Brendan fall to the ground and runs out of ammo. Phineas & Isabella pulls out a shotgun and prepares to shoot Brendan in the mouth, but he kicks it away next to Brian & Stewie. Brendan: Go ahead guys. Shoot me! Shoot your rival! (Phineas & Isabella struggle to shoot him, then drop their guns) Phineas: No, we're not gonna shoot you. (To Isabella) What the hell are we doing trying to kill Brendan? He doesn't deserve to be killed by us! Come on, let's go home! Brendan: Well, that works out perfectly because I CAN HURT YOU! (Grabs the gun and aims at Phineas & Isabella's faces) Say hi to Meg for me! Oh, and Cleveland Brown. (Dramatic pause; a gunshot is heard, Phineas & Isabella is unhurt, Brendan looks down at his bleeding chest, another shot is heard and hits Brendan in the head; Adam is seen holding a smoking gun) Adam: It's just been revoked! Brian: Uh, Adam, we didn't really set you up for that Lethal Weapon line. It... it doesn't really work here. Adam: Oh... I'll have what they're having! Brian: That's... better? (Phineas, Isabella, Brian & Adam look at Brendan, Phineas & Isabella hugs Adam, Adam closes Brendan's eyes, then tosses his body in the fire. The words "SIMULATION OVER" flash, as it's revealed that Brendan is sitting in a chair, where he is running a simulation.) Doofenshmirtz: Well, how did killing Phineas & Isabella go in the simulation? Brendan: Not well, I'm afraid. Not well. I suppose I'm not ready to kill Phineas & Isabella or take over the world... yet. Doofenshmirtz: So, what you're saying is that what you experienced in the simulation didn't really happen, or even matter? Brendan: Yes, that's correct. Doofenshmirtz: So, it was sorta like a dream? And why would the characters from Family Guy be there? Brendan: No, it was a simulation. And the Family Guy characters were there to pay homage to that 2-parter where Stewie killed Lois. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, but, theoretically, if someone watched the events of that simulation from start to finish, only to find out that none of it really happened, I mean... you don't think, that would, j-- be just like a giant middle finger to them? Brendan: Well, hopefully, they would have enjoyed the ride. Doofenshmirtz: I don't know. Much like that episode where Candace finds out what Jeremy likes about her, I think you'd piss a lot of people off that way. Brendan: Well, at least it didn't end like the episode you mentioned, where it just cut to a Spanish football game in mid-sen... (Scene suddenly cuts to the Spanish soccer game) Sport Announcer: ¡Viene, le pega! ¡GOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL!!! End Credits (Scene cuts to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, where Phineas & Isabella has just finished with the simulation chairs.)